i...

I...

tear down walls, one brick at a time.

wipe tears.

create a safe place.

pray for protection of angels.

cry out to Jesus.

bind up hearts.

bandage up boo boos.

love fiercely.

protect honestly.

nourish bodies and souls.

encourage.

create.

dream.

fight.

speak truth and life.

offer advice.

try not to hide.

but I also fail.  and I'm not perfect.  and I don't want to ever pretend to be.  it is of no value to anyone around me if I can't own my shortcomings and point to Jesus even through those.  all of the list above is only by His grace and His power.  On my own, I am still just a kid who is trying to figure things out.  in His power there is hope and redemption and grace and justice and forgiveness and healing.

how great is it that I am nothing on my own.  oh what He can do with this lump of clay.  mold me and make me God, continue to create and refine me.  give me wisdom for when everything hurts and I don't know how to put people myself back together.  I will seek and find rest in You.

The things I'm not doing

I think on this season of life it is sometimes hard to celebrate accomplishments because of that looming feeling of things not being completed. I feel like the list of things I want to do but am not accomplishing is enormous.

I love to work with teen girls, but that is not something I can fit into my schedule. Reading, studying and pondering seem to take a back seat to potty training and diaper changing. I am still working on an updated chore chart for myself....roughly 3 weeks after I started the process. Meal planning just scares me, but something has to be done.

I want to think and grow and inspire and encourage and I know that in some ways just being real about how things are right now is the best way to do that, but oh I long for more. I want to plan homeschool and teach Sunday school well and so I will focus on my home life first.  But I want to be able to say yes to heading up the church rummage sale or helping with the other church ladies projects and be able to just follow through on those things.

I am happy with where I am. I am happy with my little ones and would not exchange this season for a season of freedom without them, but the struggle to balance it all out is a skill I have yet to master.