Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten #25

1. I am thankful for our family pictures!!!

2. I am thankful for busy bags (even though we're going to have to work at them keeping Miss Grace busy while I work!)

3. I am thankful for an understanding husband!

4. I am thankful for getting details in place for the Bible study we're starting soon!!  LOVE working with teen girls!

5. I am thankful for falling asleep quickly and staying asleep.  I have sleep issues usually but when I'm baby sleep deprived I sleep SO MUCH BETTER when I'm actually asleep.

6. I am thankful for mocha fudge brownies.

7. I am thankful for my team of people who help make my job easier!

8. I am thankful for all the people I know who just had babies or are pregnant!  OH MY!  I was telling a friend that everyone who is in the "having kids" stage at our church is pregnant...making it my turn again.  ACK!

9. I am thankful for growing up in a godly family.  My grandpa is in the hospital this morning but no one is panic, they just asked for prayer.  I love that although it is hard they know where to find strength.

10. I am thankful for great (although sometimes overly rainy) weather!

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011


I am sitting in the quiet darkness of my bedroom as I email this one to myself. Both girls are asleep and peaceful - oh if the entire day was this peaceful.  I suppose that would take away some of the intrigue but peaceful seems good right now. 

I have been learning a lot about myself lately. I've learned how I act when all eyes are on me because of kiddos acting up in the store.  I've learned how I act when my child tells me no all day long. I've learned my response when my work is undone but someone needs attention.  I have to admit, I don't always like what I see. What's worse is I feel judgment from myself and sometimes those around me.  My two year old knows how to push my buttons.  My "I mean it mommy voice" has not been perfected.  And dang it, I only have two arms so sometimes they do get into things.

But ya know what, I'm trying. I am exploring ways to make trips out smoother. I am figuring out how to keep everyone happy and get all the important emails sent. I am paying attention to routines and patterns so I can better predict what my kids can handle. I'm trying.

It is encouraging to remember now that the girl who says no all the time may be the one who will not get talked out of what she believes in.  The kid who climbs the changing table may conquer mountains.  The one who just wants to be with mommy is learning how to love.  I pray they never lose their ability to speak up for themselves and be heard.

I am a imperfect mom and I will fail my kids and lose my cool - but I'm trying, and I think that is what they will remember.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Happy Sunday!

This is my peanut all ready for church this morning.  I think I'm going to try to take a picture of them every week.  That is my new goal (obviously more than that but a purposeful I'm taking your picture kind of picture). 

Abi is just looking like "get away from me you crazy person!"

Can you say Thrift Store for the WIN? I got 5 long sleeve shirts for Grace, 3 sleep & plays for Abi, a onesie and overalls for...... $7. Yup, It was AWESOME!

Love it!  I have blog posts in my head about coupons, menu planning, scheduling my life, what God is teaching me and more...but they will have to remain in my head.  They are all on my "want to do" list, it is time to tackle my "have to do" list.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten #24

Happy Thursday!!

1) I am thankful for a successful birthday party for my little girl!  We were missing a couple close friends (cough cough Morgan, Joie cough, cough) but we had a great time anyway!  I also was remember that this was when I met Candra who does Thankful Thursdays in the first place (See her awesome post about how we met here)! 

2) I am thankful for GREAT sleepers!  My kids are awesome!  (And yes, EVERY time I brag about how awesome my kids sleep we have a terrible night so you may not want to talk to me tomorrow, I'll probably be tired)

3) I am thankful for routine. Grace is finally in a nap at noon, bed at 8pm routine.  It only varies when I get caught out of the house in the morning longer than expected or if she is too busy playing at the Grandparent's house to go to bed.  I LOVE IT!  She does a great job with it, goes right to sleep and does so well!

4) I am thankful for iTunes.  That way when I have a song stuck in my head I can just go buy it rather than have to hunt it down at a store or from a friend!  (Point of Grace, Life Love and Other Mysteries)

5) I am thankful for my truck.  With two kids I have never appreciated the space I have in my car more!  I can haul whatever gear I need, two kids (and my hubs!) with no problems.  I LOVE IT.

6) I am thankful for hot chocolate.  Recently we sent ministry updates out to some friends with a pack of hot chocolate asking them to pray for us as they drank it.  I also wrote all of their names on a pack of hot chocolate at my house so when I drank it I could pray for them!  I am enjoying "working" through my stack.

7) I'm thankful that my husband isn't super particular.  We had left over burgers and hotdogs from the party and have been eating them...a lot.  My past 6 meals (except breakfasts) have been hamburgers...his too.  Thank goodness they are almost gone AND that we decided to take a break for date night last night.  (My dinner is still in the fridge - got a wicked migraine and couldn't eat so I'm looking forward to it today!)

8) I am thankful that we "make it work"...nothing in particular but even with only two kids I'm asked all the time how I get things done.  I don't know, we just do.  Some things become much less important, other things get done when I should be sleeping but it all gets done because it has to get done. 

9) I am thankful for friends who are transparent.  I always feel like in one-on-one situations I'll tell people pretty much anything they want to know IF they ask (or I feel compelled to share) however in my blog and even in general conversation I feel like I am guarded so as not to offend or speak negatively about someone else.  I think it is good and bad all at the same time - but I'm thankful for friends who are transparent in an appropriate way.  I'm learning.

10) I am thankful for a nursing/formula schedule that is doing REALLY well!  Abi seems to be getting less formula then even last week so I am super thankful for that.  I could add up how much she is getting every day (yes, I am keeping records so the doctors and lactation people know that I'm putting effort into this and have some info) but that would require calculation time that I just don't have right now!

Thanks for hanging out with me and reading my thankfuls.  If you leave a comment I'll be even thankful-er (yup, just made that up).  Hope you have a great day and find something to be thankful for!


Leave some comments or link up here:

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


(Written on Blackberry at 11pm last night)
I am hanging out with Miss Abi who does NOT want to wake up to eat - strange kid!  It has been a long day! I had an appointment with the girls at 9am (again, early in my world, we are all night people).  Lately I've been thinking about my tone of voice.  Grace is a endless ball of energy, she wears me out.  I find though that it isn't her so much that can make me lose control of my tone as much as it is when things around me are bothering me.

I hate that when a work thing is weighing on me or after a sharp word from someone I am more likely to be impatient with my daughter(s).  It seems like they should get my best - and for the most part they probably do - and be sheltered from my worst.  Lord willing this will be refined from me, but just like there are years of training in obedience ahead of us, I probably have years of training ahead of me in this area.

(Written this morning)
My kids are awesome!  Hubs asked me this morning if I was doing ok because I seemed upset.  (I was frustrated - dishes were overflowing, Abi wouldn't calm down, Grace needed something every time I sat down...normal stuff).  I told him I was fine because I was going to spend the day with my two beautiful girls...he told me I was losing it :)

I feel the pressure of working, living, wife-ing, mothering, and not going crazy...pray for me people, I'm going to need it! :)

Have a great day...I'm going to go tackle some of this mountain, one step at a time!


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten #23

Thankful Thursdays

1. I am thankful for my husband. He has been working crazy hours and its been nuts.

2. I am thankful for my new (free) king sized bed!

3. I am thankful for my 2 week old and 2 year old (her birthday is tomorrow oh my!)

4. I am thankful for afternoon naps - no explanation needed.

5. I am thankful for figuring out a feeding system for Abi that doesn't make me crazy. More on that later.

6. I am thankful for the new focus on obedience at my house.

7. I am thankful for what I have been learning in my quiet times lately.  Maybe more on that later.

8. I am thankful for an abundance of clothes for my kid...I'm hoping to get some sorted tonight.

9. I am thankful the Lord provided a new building for our thrift store, a way to pay the deposit, and an amazing donation of fixtures to put in there.

10. I am thankful for God's provision. This has been a crazy transition to two kids and its hard, not going to lie, but I love my girls and am so thankful for them!

Comment your thankfuls or link up!!

Abi's Birth Story

Abigail (Abi) Ann
Born: August 31, 2011, 1:16pm
Weight: 9lbs 8oz
Length: 21in
I am starting this post on August 30th, currently at 41w +5.  This afternoon we have a non stress test scheduled to see what she is doing in there! :)  I have had three membrane sweeps so far. 

At about midnight on the 30th I was laying in bed chatting with God about being induced.  I really wanted to have the baby...but really didn't want to be induced.  It was starting to feel like the only option although I knew that I could go longer without having her and us both be fine.  Finally I said, God, I need a sign - tell me what I'm supposed to do.

I got up to go to the bathroom a few minutes later...and my water broke.  Good enough sign for me! :)  I went downstairs to tell Aaron I thought my water broke - it wasn't the huge gush you see in movies so I wasn't sure.  I called the doctor and told her what happened and she said I should definitely come in and get checked out.  At this point I was continuing to have some leak issues so I felt more sure that was what happened.  Aaron and I talked for awhile and decided I would go ahead to the hospital and get checked out, see if they would admit me and then we would wake up the people we needed from there.  (So yes, I went to the hospital by myself while he stayed home with Grace and got some rest.  And I was completely on board with that decision...that way when I need my people around me they are well rested.)

I got to the hospital about 12:30am.  I spent an hour in triage - they monitored the baby and contractions.  EVERYTHING was funny.  I remember telling her at one point that either my water broke or I had lost all control over my bladder.  I think it was from a lack of sleep and the bizarre feeling of the water breaking.  I'm pretty sure the nurse thought I was nuts.  I was having almost no contractions and baby was doing great.  Finally they checked to make sure it was indeed amniotic fluid (although at this point there was really no doubt) then got me moved to a delivery room.  Because I was still have no contractions and was not in pain I decided to let Aaron and my parents sleep as long as they could before waking them up to spring into action!

At my appointment on Monday I had been 1cm, before I left triage I was 1.5cm with the baby still very high and very light contractions.  I got checked in and moved to a room.  About 2:30am I was still having very mild contractions and they decided they were going to start pitocin to keep me in labor.  (How is this different from being induced you ask?  I feel like my body at least gave me a sign it was ready to start)

Around 3:30 they had not started the pitocin - I was debating when to call Aaron but knew that as soon as they started it I would want him there.  They started it a little before 4am so I called and dad went to our house to stay with Grace, mom picked up Aaron to come to the hospital.  They arrived around 4:50am.  At that point the pitocin had kicked into gear and I got an epidural at 5:20.  I always say I want to try to do them naturally as long as I can, but I think I need a no-pitocin birth before that will happen. 

Labor progressed pretty steadily at that point although I stalled at a few points.  Right before 12pm I was 8cm and the epidural had worn off.  I was NOT in a good place.  I didn't know if I would have time to get more medicine before it was "pushing" time and oh my goodness it hurt!  I threw up once at this point (and once going from 6-8 which is consistent with my labor track record, did the same with Grace).  I did get more medicine and by 12pm I was 100% dilated and effaced.  Now they were just concerned that, like Grace, she was going to come out face up.  Of course that scared me because I tore very badly with Grace and was worried about what this was going to do to my body and how I would handle it being home with both girls.  They did some "lay on this side, put your leg like this" stuff and then we just had to hope for the best.  That part was super uncomfortable, but hopefully it helped. I could tell she was still moving around and based on pressure on my back I felt fairly confident we had been able to get her turned.

At 12pm they wanted to make sure I was completely ready to go so the Dr told the nurse to take her lunch, let me get to the point where I was ready to push (the baby was still VERY high) and then we would start to get her moved down.  About 12:45pm I felt NO urge to push but started to during contractions and got her moving.  They were also trying to get me to look at a lunch menu and order lunch - while I'm pushing - because I might "miss" lunch.  Really guys?  It was pretty funny.  I remember laughing a lot during the whole pushing process.  We started to push anyway and got her moved down...and the nurse would NOT call the doctor!  She pretty much refused.  And she kept saying stuff like "She isn't going to come out before she gets here, but even if she did this wouldn't be the first baby I delivered"  It was a little crazy.  Finally my mom said she could see the baby's head and it was starting to actually come out when I pushed so I stopped pushing and told the nurse she HAD to call the doctor.  The doctor was already in the same building, not sure why it was a big deal.  The nurse asked if I'd 'push better' if the Doctor was there...umm, yeah?  So finally Doctor Miller got there and I resumed being a good patient and pushing.  The Doc said to the nurse something to the effect of "Hold on, you can at least let me get my gloves on"...She was out 15 minutes later.  She was face down as she should be and I did not tear at ALL.  It was delightful.  This baby was a pound and a half bigger than Grace but a MUCH easier delievery!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Blackberry Post 3

What a long day! I am blaming hormones for a good portion of it - and tiredness. We were out the door at 10 this morning (early for us, we are on a late schedule) for pictures. We did family pictures, pictures with Hubs and I with each of the girls, 2 year old pictures for Grace and newborn pictures for Abi. I can't wait to see (and share) them! 

I have a TON of work stuff to get done - so tired all the time though. I keep trying to remember I have a baby who is 13 days old and its just going to have to happen as it happens.  Ah well. It stresses me out though! I did get my inbox down to 19 emails and just said lots of thank yous to the people who are helping me.

The positives are some play time with Grace while Abi napped in the crib.  I also got sweet cuddle time with Abi after Grace went to sleep!

This is my third attempt to finish this post :). Abi is in bed with me because sometimes she just won't fall asleep any other way (don't worry, she then gets moved to her pack and play).  My parents upgraded their mattress this week which means new king sized bed for me! :). I think all four of us could sleep in this bed and never touch each other.

Candra recently wrote a post called "How a busy mom prays" a great read for anyone who is busy, mom or not. I am thankful tonight that the Lord knows how tired my brain is. I used to do quiet time in the morning, then right after Grace went down for a nap. Now I never have assurance of quiet in my day but I know at some point I will go to sleep so I've been doing quiet time then.  I have been learning a lot from 1 Corinthians these days.  Tonight though Abi didn't want to sleep and my brain is now too tired to make sense (and application) of Paul...I recently had a conversation with Hubs where the words "Jesus was never a mom" came out of my mouth...but ya know, I'm sure He understands. :)



Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Tuesday Update

Usually Monday is my "update" day but my Monday was crazy.  Although it is almost Tuesday as I type this out on my blackberry, again to email myself, and of course as soon as I start the kiddo wants to nurse again :)

The goal today was to get to Kroger. After 3 false starts (poopy diaper, need to burp and unexplained fussiness) we finally made it out the door. Grace walked with me and did AWESOME. I was so proud of her! She only fussed once and the checkout lady quickly fixed that with some stickers. I only got staples so Hubs still got leftovers for dinner but I'd call it a success.

In the midst of that a comment was made to me that I took extremely personally.  I think a good lesson of today is to not get THAT worked up about something and not to share that frustration until you clarify the comment. Once I asked for an explanation and understood the context I was much less offended - and then had to share that part too. One day I'll learn!

Today I got almost everything on my to do list done (which is amazing since by 3pm the only thing I'd done was write the to do list).  The main thing for me anyway, was getting everything together for our family pictures tomorrow.  The goal is a family picture, Grace's 2yr old picture (her birthday is Friday) and Abi's newborn pictures.  So excited!

Which reminds me I still need to post about Abi's birth and some pictures of her! I'll put that on tomorrow's to do promises! :)


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Mom Guilt.

[Unrelated note: I have composed at least 15 blog posts in my head.  This one I finally typed on my blackberry while nursing and emailed to myself :)  ]

Mom guilt. I've got a case of it. There are a few things that are weighing on my mind - most that I know really don't matter at the end of the day but they definitely feel like a big deal now.

I feel guilty about Grace. I feel like she is getting in trouble more and while I know it is because she is at that age and she is not obeying it FEELS like all of the sudden when the baby came home. She is also apparently on a bit of a hunger strike. I can't seem to get more than one healthy meal into her a day. I know she'll eat when she is hungry enough and eating cereal won't kill her, but again I hate the timing. We used to watch "shows" in the morning before I got up or right before nap or it seems like her brain is trained to want tv. I try to turn it on while I am nursing so she doesn't notice she is missing my attention, but I don't get the sweet cuddle time as much now. I am making a very conscience effort to put Abi down if she sleeps so I can focus on Grace. And today we DID play outside with chalk and bikes and bugs for 2 hours. She was a mess, it was fun!

I feel guilty with Abi because I just don't know what to do about breastfeeding. I feel like I am not seeing signs that she is getting enough from me...but I feel like every time I supplement with formula I am one step farther away from my goal. Since adding some formula her diaper counts are where they need to be and she is much calmer, but I feel like I am not "trying" hard enough. And since I feel like she is less and less content with me I want to scrap breastfeeding and just go to formula - but mentally I'm just having a rough time making these decisions. I have received great advice, tips and ideas...still don't know what to do.

I DO know
-both my girls are healthy.
- both my girls are happy.
- both my girls are not going to remember this phase.
- Grace will grow up with a sister and she'll never remember different.
- Abi will be fine either way.

Mom guilt: the realization that I have the power to mess with someone else's life and wondering if I'm making the right decisions.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Weekly Update

Random baby thoughts...

Abi has been sleeping GREAT at night - she is up a lot to eat but usually goes right back to sleep.  I have been feeling pretty rested (but am still taking an afternoon nap!).

It is sad when one of the cutest bras I own is a nursing bra.  (TMI?)

I'm married again!  My ring now comfortably fits on my finger again...just my wedding band, the diamond will have to wait.

Grace loves to give Abi kisses...and sometimes throw a cup at her head.  It's been interesting trying to balance keeping them apart and allowing Grace to get near the baby.  We have a lot to learn!

I am never leaving the house with the two of them alone.  Yesterday my mom came over so we could go to Target and Kroger.  We barely made it through Target...stressed me out!  Abi cried the whole time or needed to be held (we went RIGHT after she ate too), Grace wants to walk but not really, but does, but likes to grab stuff, but wants to be held, no wait walk.  TOO MUCH!  :)  I'm sure it'll get easier!

It has been great.  I love my girls and am enjoying getting to see our new family dynamics.  Grace is going to be a wonderful big sister!


Saturday, September 3, 2011

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten #22

A few days'll forgive me won't you?

1) I am thankful for ABIGAIL ANN who was born on August 31, 2011 at 1:16pm.  She was 21 inches long and 9lbs 8oz.  A beautiful baby girl!

2) I am thankful for an easy delivery, no tearing and what appears will be a speedy recovery.

3) I am thankful for 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes and what appears to be perfect in between.  She has had no health issues and is doing great!

4) I am thankful that breastfeeding is going much easier this time and we seem to be doing well.  Not going to give up easily!

5) I am thankful that so far nights haven't been terrible and she has been an "easy" baby.

6) I am thankful that although there have already been a few issues, Grace is adjusting relatively well and hopefully will get "gentle" very soon!

7) I am thankful for my awesome family and friends who cheered us on, encouraged us and rejoiced with us when she was born!

8) I am thankful for my husband...without whom there would be no babies but seriously, I would have a hard time getting through the labor without him...he is my hero!

9) Drugs.  Sorry natural mommas, you're tougher than I am.  I am thankful for epidurals which made the experience much more enjoyable :)

10) I am thankful for everyone who prayed for us during the day.  Labor/delivery can always be a bit scary and knowing that ya'll were on guard for us is always a true blessing.

I'll follow up with Abi's birth story and some pictures VERY soon!