Trying.

I am sitting in the quiet darkness of my bedroom as I email this one to myself. Both girls are asleep and peaceful - oh if the entire day was this peaceful.  I suppose that would take away some of the intrigue but peaceful seems good right now. 

I have been learning a lot about myself lately. I've learned how I act when all eyes are on me because of kiddos acting up in the store.  I've learned how I act when my child tells me no all day long. I've learned my response when my work is undone but someone needs attention.  I have to admit, I don't always like what I see. What's worse is I feel judgment from myself and sometimes those around me.  My two year old knows how to push my buttons.  My "I mean it mommy voice" has not been perfected.  And dang it, I only have two arms so sometimes they do get into things.

But ya know what, I'm trying. I am exploring ways to make trips out smoother. I am figuring out how to keep everyone happy and get all the important emails sent. I am paying attention to routines and patterns so I can better predict what my kids can handle. I'm trying.

It is encouraging to remember now that the girl who says no all the time may be the one who will not get talked out of what she believes in.  The kid who climbs the changing table may conquer mountains.  The one who just wants to be with mommy is learning how to love.  I pray they never lose their ability to speak up for themselves and be heard.

I am a imperfect mom and I will fail my kids and lose my cool - but I'm trying, and I think that is what they will remember.

Elizabeth