Blackberry Post 3

What a long day! I am blaming hormones for a good portion of it - and tiredness. We were out the door at 10 this morning (early for us, we are on a late schedule) for pictures. We did family pictures, pictures with Hubs and I with each of the girls, 2 year old pictures for Grace and newborn pictures for Abi. I can't wait to see (and share) them! 

I have a TON of work stuff to get done - so tired all the time though. I keep trying to remember I have a baby who is 13 days old and its just going to have to happen as it happens.  Ah well. It stresses me out though! I did get my inbox down to 19 emails and just said lots of thank yous to the people who are helping me.

The positives are some play time with Grace while Abi napped in the crib.  I also got sweet cuddle time with Abi after Grace went to sleep!

This is my third attempt to finish this post :). Abi is in bed with me because sometimes she just won't fall asleep any other way (don't worry, she then gets moved to her pack and play).  My parents upgraded their mattress this week which means new king sized bed for me! :). I think all four of us could sleep in this bed and never touch each other.

Candra recently wrote a post called "How a busy mom prays" a great read for anyone who is busy, mom or not. I am thankful tonight that the Lord knows how tired my brain is. I used to do quiet time in the morning, then right after Grace went down for a nap. Now I never have assurance of quiet in my day but I know at some point I will go to sleep so I've been doing quiet time then.  I have been learning a lot from 1 Corinthians these days.  Tonight though Abi didn't want to sleep and my brain is now too tired to make sense (and application) of Paul...I recently had a conversation with Hubs where the words "Jesus was never a mom" came out of my mouth...but ya know, I'm sure He understands. :)

:)

Elizabeth

Tuesday Update

Usually Monday is my "update" day but my Monday was crazy.  Although it is almost Tuesday as I type this out on my blackberry, again to email myself, and of course as soon as I start the kiddo wants to nurse again :)

The goal today was to get to Kroger. After 3 false starts (poopy diaper, need to burp and unexplained fussiness) we finally made it out the door. Grace walked with me and did AWESOME. I was so proud of her! She only fussed once and the checkout lady quickly fixed that with some stickers. I only got staples so Hubs still got leftovers for dinner but I'd call it a success.

In the midst of that a comment was made to me that I took extremely personally.  I think a good lesson of today is to not get THAT worked up about something and not to share that frustration until you clarify the comment. Once I asked for an explanation and understood the context I was much less offended - and then had to share that part too. One day I'll learn!

Today I got almost everything on my to do list done (which is amazing since by 3pm the only thing I'd done was write the to do list).  The main thing for me anyway, was getting everything together for our family pictures tomorrow.  The goal is a family picture, Grace's 2yr old picture (her birthday is Friday) and Abi's newborn pictures.  So excited!

Which reminds me I still need to post about Abi's birth and some pictures of her! I'll put that on tomorrow's to do list...no promises! :)

Elizabeth

Mom Guilt.

[Unrelated note: I have composed at least 15 blog posts in my head.  This one I finally typed on my blackberry while nursing and emailed to myself :)  ]

Mom guilt. I've got a case of it. There are a few things that are weighing on my mind - most that I know really don't matter at the end of the day but they definitely feel like a big deal now.

I feel guilty about Grace. I feel like she is getting in trouble more and while I know it is because she is at that age and she is not obeying it FEELS like all of the sudden when the baby came home. She is also apparently on a bit of a hunger strike. I can't seem to get more than one healthy meal into her a day. I know she'll eat when she is hungry enough and eating cereal won't kill her, but again I hate the timing. We used to watch "shows" in the morning before I got up or right before nap or bed...now it seems like her brain is trained to want tv. I try to turn it on while I am nursing so she doesn't notice she is missing my attention, but I don't get the sweet cuddle time as much now. I am making a very conscience effort to put Abi down if she sleeps so I can focus on Grace. And today we DID play outside with chalk and bikes and bugs for 2 hours. She was a mess, it was fun!

I feel guilty with Abi because I just don't know what to do about breastfeeding. I feel like I am not seeing signs that she is getting enough from me...but I feel like every time I supplement with formula I am one step farther away from my goal. Since adding some formula her diaper counts are where they need to be and she is much calmer, but I feel like I am not "trying" hard enough. And since I feel like she is less and less content with me I want to scrap breastfeeding and just go to formula - but mentally I'm just having a rough time making these decisions. I have received great advice, tips and ideas...still don't know what to do.

I DO know
-both my girls are healthy.
- both my girls are happy.
- both my girls are not going to remember this phase.
- Grace will grow up with a sister and she'll never remember different.
- Abi will be fine either way.

Mom guilt: the realization that I have the power to mess with someone else's life and wondering if I'm making the right decisions.

Weekly Update

Random baby thoughts...

Abi has been sleeping GREAT at night - she is up a lot to eat but usually goes right back to sleep.  I have been feeling pretty rested (but am still taking an afternoon nap!).

It is sad when one of the cutest bras I own is a nursing bra.  (TMI?)

I'm married again!  My ring now comfortably fits on my finger again...just my wedding band, the diamond will have to wait.

Grace loves to give Abi kisses...and sometimes throw a cup at her head.  It's been interesting trying to balance keeping them apart and allowing Grace to get near the baby.  We have a lot to learn!

I am never leaving the house with the two of them alone.  Yesterday my mom came over so we could go to Target and Kroger.  We barely made it through Target...stressed me out!  Abi cried the whole time or needed to be held (we went RIGHT after she ate too), Grace wants to walk but not really, but does, but likes to grab stuff, but wants to be held, no wait walk.  TOO MUCH!  :)  I'm sure it'll get easier!


It has been great.  I love my girls and am enjoying getting to see our new family dynamics.  Grace is going to be a wonderful big sister!

Elizabeth

Thankful Thursdays Top Ten #22

A few days late...you'll forgive me won't you?

1) I am thankful for ABIGAIL ANN who was born on August 31, 2011 at 1:16pm.  She was 21 inches long and 9lbs 8oz.  A beautiful baby girl!

2) I am thankful for an easy delivery, no tearing and what appears will be a speedy recovery.

3) I am thankful for 10 perfect fingers, 10 perfect toes and what appears to be perfect in between.  She has had no health issues and is doing great!

4) I am thankful that breastfeeding is going much easier this time and we seem to be doing well.  Not going to give up easily!

5) I am thankful that so far nights haven't been terrible and she has been an "easy" baby.

6) I am thankful that although there have already been a few issues, Grace is adjusting relatively well and hopefully will get "gentle" very soon!

7) I am thankful for my awesome family and friends who cheered us on, encouraged us and rejoiced with us when she was born!

8) I am thankful for my husband...without whom there would be no babies but seriously, I would have a hard time getting through the labor without him...he is my hero!

9) Drugs.  Sorry natural mommas, you're tougher than I am.  I am thankful for epidurals which made the experience much more enjoyable :)

10) I am thankful for everyone who prayed for us during the day.  Labor/delivery can always be a bit scary and knowing that ya'll were on guard for us is always a true blessing.

I'll follow up with Abi's birth story and some pictures VERY soon!

Elizabeth