Wednesday, December 12, 2012

on waiting.

I feel like lately there have been so many instances of waiting in my life that I'd be silly not to at least take a moment to ponder them.  This of course leads to thinking about the memorable periods of waiting that I've had in the past...

...waiting for the right guy to come along.
...waiting for the right guy to realize I was the right girl ;)
...waiting TWO YEARS to kiss him.
...waiting for an engagement ring.
...waiting for a positive after a miscarriage.
...waiting to figure out what my particular calling was for a particular season of my life.
...waiting to see any sort of result from time spent investing.
...waiting for delivery of Miss Grace...five days longer than my 'due date'.
...waiting for delivery of Miss Abi...13 days longer than my 'due date'.

I think that the more I wait the more I learn.  It is in those periods of quiet anticipation that I think God speaks most clearly.  Now I am more equipped to tell those who are waiting about the joy on the other side and how much more joy if the waiting can be done 'right'. 

I remember the desperate desire of my 16 year old heart to feel like I was being noticed by guys.  I also remember the complete let down that came when I went out on my first real date.  (For someone that has only gone on 5 dates prior to dating my husband I've got some good stories!) 

I remember sitting in Mexico on a mission trip telling someone about how amazing it was that my first kiss wouldn't happen until I was engaged and why and how incredible that felt.  Not knowing that my soon to be fiance was talking to my dad about the same thing, on the same day.  (4th of July, pretty memorable)

I remember being so angry with God after losing our first baby and the frustration that came out of it.  But I remember time and again that God is able to work all things for His good, even when the things themselves tear us apart.  Right about the time my emotions got all back together we found out about Miss Grace and now even her name is a reminder of how good our God is.

God is so good and provides so much.  I wonder how many times I've missed those blessings because I didn't wait and rushed into my own way and my own timing.  I could have probably found a guy to marry me if I had really tried - and it certainly wouldn't have taken two years to give away my first kiss.  I know I could have whined the entire time I dated Aaron about how much terrible it was to not know his timing and to pressure him into telling me - but I would have missed the beautiful day that was our engagement day.

We are refined by waiting.  Like it or not the times of quiet uncertainty are usually the times we do the most search and where we'll find the most answers.

And God always has an answer.

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